MortarBlog

Our friends at Boing-Boing note the passing of Pamela Low, who created the flavored coating of Cap’n Crunch
cereal.

They also note a disturbing design trend…or is it something worse?

Here we have Original Cap’n Crunch:

This Cap’n keeps it real. He’s got his sails set, a fetching first mate, and plenty of supplies laid in for the journey. Note the heavy-lidded eyes. (Perhaps a port of call in Jamaica?)

Here’s 1970’s Full Color Cap’n:

Actually, it’s his French counterpart, Le Capitain Monsieur Crunch D’Bouche.
Eyes a little more open, but  no more girlfriend.
(Love, she is fickle.)

Now, let’s meet today’s Captain Crunch.

AIEEEEEEEEEEE!! Look, kids! It’s our friend "No Time To Sleep, The Illuminati Control Everything, Man!" Captain Crunch.

Can’t you just picture this meeting?

CLIENT:  "We need a vibrant Cap’n Crunch. A real go-getter. A  post 9/11 Cap’n Crunch, ready to defend our shipping lanes in the War-On-Terror ."

DESIGNER: "Sigh." (Dies a little inside.)

Would you let Captain Tweaker near your kids?

Perhaps he’s just stressed out about the competition:

We’re on to you, Chocula.

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"Long time ago, me and my brother Kyle here, we was hitchhikin’ down a long and lonesome road.

All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon… in the middle… of the road.

And he said: [Sung] ‘Play the best song in the world, or I’ll eat your soul.’ (soul)

[Spoken] Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other, and we each said… ‘Okay.’ "

- Tenacious D: "Tribute"

If a shiny demon appears in the middle of Maiden Lane and says: "Post the best link in the world or I’ll eat your soul,"

I will look at Sarah with confidence, and I will turn to the demon, and I will say to the demon, "Suck it, Trebek."

Because I know about MyOpenBar.com.

This site… it’s so freaking cool… words fail us. It’s a website and mailing list.
A website and mailing list that tells busy brand builders like us where all the free drinks in town are. And not just our town. Other towns, too.  

It tells us.
Where.
The Free. Drinks. Are.

We raise our Goblet of Rock in tribute.

"Needless to say, the beast was stunned.

Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,

And the beast was done.

He asked us: ‘(snort) Be you angels?’

And we said, ‘Nay. We are but men.’

Rock!"

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A Chicago law firm calls out the painful truth with this advertisement claiming, “Life’s short. Get a divorce.”

The city is outraged. Billboards are torn down. Reputations are dirtied. Children weep and parents everywhere shake their fists violently, praying for retribution.

And while the sign only lasted one week, business for Fetman Garland skyrockets.

Talk about some good, wholesome family values.

I would sit here and say I’m offended too, unfortunately, I’m too busy wishing I had my own law firm and that we had thought of this idea first.

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Earlier this month, U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings delivered the commencement ceremony address at Mortar-client Golden Gate University.  We captured this footage of the Secretary’s speech on the importance of higher ed, in which she gives accolades to the graduating class coupled with an unexpected endorsement of Starbucks.  Check out the video (in two parts):

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While it’s far too early for any candidate to earn the highly coveted Mortar Endorsement, we thought we’d take a moment to heartily applaud these ads from New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. Two simple spots, with just a hint of humor to them, and the proverbial switchboards are lighting up.

The spots are the:

• 18th most viewed today on Youtube
   
• 3rd most viewed Political Video
   
• 2nd most linked-to political video
   

Why are people reacting so positviely to Richardson’s ads? Because political advertising is a wasteland.

And we’re insulting wastelands when we say that.

Richardson’s ads prove once again - creativity is the ultimate "force multiplier." It makes the little guy seem big. When you’re running a distant fourth in the horse race, do you do what everyone else is doing? We think not. We think, you get creative. Sure, being different is scary for some.  (The D.C. establishment is, as usual, scratching its collective head  over the spots,) And sure, everyone will tell you why you shouldn’t.
But the payoff? Unquestionably the biggest bang for your buck there is.

All it takes is a clear idea of where you are, and where you want to go.
And a spine. Vertebrates have a clear advantage in the marketplace.

Well done, Governor. We, along with many others, will be on the lookout for your next spots.

Anyone else out there want to do work people actively look out for?  Operators are standing by.

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Good Day, Sir or Madam. We represent the Mortar Advertising Agency, of San Francisco, California, U.S.A. Are you experiencing the shame and pain of inferior advertising? Do your competitors kick sand in your face? Why not gamble a click and let Mortar turn your brand from “chump” into “champ”? Yes, ladies, Mortar now has Powerful Scrubbing Action. It’s lemony-fresh. It’s got a smooth taste that goes down easy and works every time. Especially when you’re having more than one. So come on up to Flavor Country. When you take the ’07 Mortar out on the highway, you’ll feel the power of her 100% American-made Dyna-Glide transmission and wonder, “How many licks does it take to get to the center?” But we won’t tell you, because it’s an Ancient Chinese Secret. A secret strong enough for a man. A man who brings home the bacon. Fries it up in a pan. And takes that delicious pan-fried bacon out for a night on the town it will never forget. Because it’s morning in America, folks. And out there, somewhere, is a man with a pocket full of bacon. He’s fallen, and he can’t get up. Sorry, Charlie - you’re soaking in it. Because when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight, we wear short-shorts.

Now, more than ever. 

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We’ve wrestled with an alligator; We’ve tussled with a whale;

We’re so mean we make medicine sick!

…Or at least our competitors. (And if you’re really sick, go to St. Mary’s ER. They can see you in 30 minutes or less. )

Mortar humbly accepts the plaudits of the Greater San Francisco Ad Club, who honored us with Gold and Silver Addy awards last night. Mortar won a Gold Addy in the Out of Home category for our "Famous Last Words" work on behalf of St. Mary’s Medical Center.

Our "Almost" campaign, on behalf of Isilon Systems, took home a Silver Addy in the Mixed Media/Cross Platform category. (And no, the fact that “Almost”  almost won gold is not lost on us. Oh, Ironic Judges, you crack us up. )

Our heartfelt thanks to the judges, (ironic and otherwise,) and to our wonderful clients: Erin and Ken at St. Mary’s Medical Center, and Jay, Chris, Grant and Erin at Isilon Systems.

In conclusion:
We’re too fast, we’re too pretty, we must be the greatest of all times!
Rumble, young Mortar, rumble!

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Visit the Beliefs section of MortarAgency.com, and you’ll find the aphorism: “People aren’t stupid. Ads are.” Apparently, Pinnacle Foods is spending $30 million to prove our point. They’re rolling out a radio campaign that asks you to “Imagine you’re a bagel. Wouldn’t you rather be a Lender’s bagel?”
OK, we’re imagining. And we’re thinking:  “Would we rather be something fresh and authentic? Or would we rather be some weird Frankenfood with a consistency alarmingly like a racquetball?”
While we have to admit, it probably would be cool to be a Frankenfood…”Bagel mad! Bagel SMASH!” we don’t think most people will agree.
They’ll hear, “Wouldn’t you rather be a Lender’s bagel?” and say, “Um, no.”
If you ask us, there is a place in the world for Lender’s. They’re convenient. They don’t go stale very fast. They’re easier to fit into a toaster. They taste the same, every single time. That’s comforting, in a really weird way. There’s an idea right there: “Comforting, in a really weird way.” Pinnacle, call us, stat. As for the rest of you, let this be a lesson: People look for a reason not just to debunk your ad, but to disembowel it and dance the cha-cha on its sorry, shallow grave.

Your only defense is the truth. We recommend telling it.

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Yeah, we thought that would get your attention.

Last year, Pfizer spent $1.4 billion on Exubera, an inhaled insulin product that users are supposed to do, well, bong hits of.

It ain’t selling.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
First off, if somebody gave us $1.4 billion to design a bong, it would totally have come with a recliner with built-in subwoofer. At least one.

Second off, please please please, somebody pay us $1.4 billion to design a bong!

Ahem. Sorry. Wait. What were we talking about?
Oh yeah.

Second off, let’s work on product design a bit, kids. Here’s a comment from Café Pharma, the industry’s online bulletin board: “Look at the size of the bong! Who the fuck wants to carry something so damn big that it doesn’t even fit in a pocket[?]” Indeed. Even in our hippie days, nobody just walked around carrying a bong. That’s what God gave us soda cans for. Duh.  But we digress. Again. Wait. What? Oh yeah.

Here’s the funny/valuable part: Pfizer got in this mess by “relying on consumer research data that has turned out to be faulty in the real world.”   Ya think!?
Are you guys seeing a bunch of stoner college kids going “Dude! You should make it a bong!” then spending their $150 focus group honorariums on fat sacks of Blueberry Romulan?
Us, too.
But seriously, there is a demand for inhaled insulin. Nobody likes needles. Get the product design right, Pfizer, and you’re on to something. Just make sure you take your focus group info with a grain of common sense next time.

P.S. We picked this (very funny) article up from our buds at Brandweek. Who knew they had it in ‘em? When you’re not reading the MortarBlog, check ‘em out. Beats working.

Is anybody else hungry?

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Follow up to my post about Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty a few months back… here is a snippet from an interesting article discussing why the campaign is resonating with women, written by Marti Barletta, author of the book PrimeTime Women: How to Win the Hearts, Minds, and Business of Boomer Big Spenders.

These PrimeTime Women are not in denial about how old they are or
what they look like. They accept their age, actually relish it, and
can’t wait to see what the second half of life brings them. Many say
you couldn’t pay them to be 20 again! Studies have shown that women in
their 50s and 60s report these as the happiest decades of life. As one
of our respondents exclaimed, "I love being 50; I love this time in my
life. I don’t think, ‘oh God, I’m getting old.’ I look in the mirror
and see wrinkles and I’m okay with it."

Contrary to popular opinion, Boomer women aren’t in denial about
aging. Advertisers are. And the women they’re supposed to be trying to
connect with are getting annoyed. One respondent said: "I really resent
the notion that you can’t grow old comfortably. You must NOT have
wrinkles. The truth is, they are a natural part of aging."

Dove totally "gets" this PrimeTime Woman. And the real story behind
the success of this latest iteration of the Campaign for Real Beauty
lies in the principle that this woman is comfortable in her own skin.
Being herself feels better than being seen as perfect. Authenticity
trumps aspiration.

Marti also gives some simple yet clear marketing advice in her article:

Marketers, take note: This is the dawning of the age of PrimeTime
Women. They are the healthiest, wealthiest, most active, educated, and
influential generation of women in history.

Marketers are always looking for a "magic" answer. For once, they
just may have one… with their huge numbers, rapid growth, and
incredible spending power, PrimeTime Women may well be the "silver
bullet" marketers are looking for.

Read the full article: The Real Story Behind the Success of Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty courtesy of MarketingProfs.

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